Thursday, October 16, 2014

My Fertility Journey: October is Pregnancy Loss Awareness Month

October 15th is pregnancy loss awareness day. I lost two babies to miscarriage before having our miracle baby Zoey. It was a hard day. I lit two candles in remembrance of my precious angels and held onto my miracle a little tighter. In honor of this day and my babies I have decided to finally share my fertility journey on here.

We wanted a baby as soon as we got married and began trying right away. We had a stressful first year losing my mother in law, and moving across the US so I thought it was taking longer because of the stress. After a while I decided to go to the Dr. because I was not having cycles. He started with metformin to get my cycles going. It hurt my stomach so bad that I had to stop, but soon after I did start to get my cycles. Unfortunately they were 40+ days apart. Which means the opportunity was not as often as normal.

We continued on through ups and downs and tried clomid for the first time. The clomid makes you "super ovulate" and it is painful as well as makes you very hormonal! The first time I tried it it worked! I remember that first positive pregnancy test like it was yesterday. I was so excited I told EVERYONE and celebrated right away. I called the Dr and went in for blood work. I started bleeding before the blood work results came back so I knew. Hearing the actual words was a lot different and I couldn't believe how hard it was for me. I cried and cried. I lost my precious baby.

After a few months we continued with the Dr. on our fertility journey. I had some cysts in between that were painful and delayed things. I got some crohn's flare ups from the stress which also delayed things. I gained weight. I got depressed. I went through painful testing and exams. Lots of blood work. An hcg, where they shoot dye into your fallopian tubes and take an x-ray to make sure they are all open. I was sad and jealous when I heard other peoples pregnancy announcements, which I hid with an odd over joyed reaction. This was a hard time for me. Living across the country from all my family made it that much harder.

 My Dr. mentioned we should try AIH (artificial insemination by husband) and we finally decided to do it.  AIH is where they take the swimmers and use a catheter to place them directly into your uterus. I got my second positive pregnancy test after we did this for the first time. I couldn't believe it! I was overjoyed and it felt so good to say the words to my husband, "I'm pregnant!" But this time I did not tell hardly anyone. A few family members and maybe one or two close friends. I was really scared and went in immediately for blood work. I was so excited and hopeful because I had no cramps or bleeding and I was at least 7 weeks already.  I did blood work and they told me to repeat it in two days to make sure the hormone levels were going up. Two days later everything was still fine so when I got the call from the Dr. I was devastated. "Unfortunately your hcg levels dropped so I am sorry to say it is a miscarriage" I remember his exact words and I couldn't even say bye I just hung up and cried.

That one was a lot harder on me, it had been over 2 years of trying by this point.  Losing this baby was so emotionally and physically hard for me. I was depressed for a long time after this sweet angel.

After a while I decided we should continue to try because at least I knew I could get pregnant. I started tracking my ovulation by checking my morning temp and charting so I could figure out my exact days of fertility. We wanted to give it our best shot so we did clomid, I did ovulation tracking plus an ovulation test and we did the AIH. The morning my temp and ovulation tests matched up I said, "I am ovulating lets do this!" I was very confident this was going to work. My ovary felt like it was going to burst from the clomid, which is a good thing (hopefully an eggs bursts!) We went in for the AIH (which is very unromantic) and afterwards I came home and just relaxed all day. I kept telling myself, "this is going to work we will have a baby!"

Two weeks later I took my third positive pregnancy test. I was so excited and nervous! We did our blood work like before and the waiting game is the hardest! I had to wait two days test, two days and test again! Sure enough my levels were QUADRUPLING! twins?? oh my! (that is what we thought) we were so happy and grateful.

Going for our first ultrasound at about 7 weeks and seeing a tiny little bean beating away was the greatest feeling! Then soon after the nausea kicked in and I was in denial almost half my pregnancy and all through the extreme sickness. After more than 3 years I was pregnant with our precious baby girl and I am forever thankful.

Now we have our beautiful daughter Zoey Elizabeth and our life could not be any better. She has shown us what love really truly is and we are so grateful to have her light up our lives!

Today I remember my sweet baby angels and everyday I am thankful I get to hold my precious baby girl.

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